The Stewart Adams Project

Quality Content for Quality People Who Appreciate Quality Content for Quality People

 

April 20, 2009

Caveman Hero

Posted at 2:02 pm

…Not just the stuff of GEICO commercials anymore.

I was recently on a business trip 2,670 miles from home when I was surprised to see my relatively small town on nation-wide news. It’s not often a small Georgia town makes national news, and even less often that it makes the news for something remotely praise-worthy. It’s not that I think that little of my place of residence, it’s just the plain and simple truth of the old saying, “if it bleeds it leads.” While there may in fact have been some bleeding in the story, 1- it wasn’t mentioned and 2- it would have been due to injuries sustained by the culprit and completely justified on the part of the customer.

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caveman

ACWORTH, Ga. — Police said a would-be robber got more than he bargained for when he tried to rob a Quik Thrift store with a knife. A quick-thinking customer, known only as “Caveman,” grabbed a step ladder and hit the suspect at least once Monday. The customer chased the suspect from the store using the ladder as protection.

Police said the suspect had threatened to cut the store clerk’s neck if money wasn’t handed over. Police said the suspect escaped with some money, but he dropped much of it when he was hit with the ladder.

Police are still searching for the suspect.

(http://www.seattlepi.com/national/1120ap_odd_ladder_thwarts_robber.html)

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I’d like to give a Stewart-Adams-Project-Salute to Mr. Don “Caveman” Smith for standing up to a no good hoodlum and for finding new and ingenious uses for the average household step ladder. Convenience store robbers will have to think twice before stealing from places that are packing step ladders.

So what was his motivation? There are several theories.

1. He had been watching too much WWF and couldn’t find a folding chair…so a step ladder had to do.

2. It’s all a part of the new GEICO viral marketing campaign to encourage people to do the right thing. “Standing up for what’s right – so easy a Caveman can do it.”

3. He had been watching too much WWF and he was fed up with GEICO’s “so easy a Caveman can do it” campaign.

As intriguing as these theories are, they are all wrong. We now know straight from Mr. Smith the reason he was compelled to act:

“There’s a lot of thieving that goes on around here and I don’t like it,” Smith said. “People work for their stuff and they ought to be able to keep it without somebody taking it away from them.”

If you would like, take a second to watch the slide show of Mr. Smith in action…it’s quite inspiring. Also, watching it while listening to the Chariots of Fire theme greatly increases the inspirational value.

http://www.wsbtv.com/slideshow/news/19176925/detail.html

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April 16, 2009

News Lash: Woman Attacks Polar Bear

Posted at 9:38 am

polar_woman BERLIN, Germany (CNN) — A polar bear attacked a woman at Berlin Zoo Friday afternoon after she climbed a fence and jumped into its habitat during feeding time, police said Saturday.
One adult polar bit her several times after she plunged into the moat, police said.
Zoo workers tossed rescue rings toward the woman to hoist her out and distract polar bears swimming nearby, said Goerg Gebhard, a Berlin police officer.
At one point the woman fell back into the water and was grabbed by a bear before she was eventually hoisted to safety.
“They saved her life,” Gebhard told CNN.
The woman was severely injured and was being treated at a hospital, police said.
It’s unclear why the woman entered the bear habitat, but police issued her a citation for trespassing.
Berlin Zoo is home to Knut, the first polar bear to be born there in over 30 years. The bear became a huge talking point in Germany when his mother gave birth to him in December 2006.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/europe/04/11/polar.bear.attack/index.html?iref=mpstoryview
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I just read this story and I realized that CNN got the story completely wrong.  Let me correctly state it:

Crazed Woman Attacks Innocent Polar Bear

BERLIN, Germany — On the afternoon of Friday the 10th in a zoo in Berlin, a rather large woman who isn’t very good at swimming somehow managed to defy the laws of physics and haul her body over the fence and into the moat surrounding the zoo-habitat of a poor kind polar bear. 
While the woman violently barraged the animal with verbal abuse, intimidating arm flailing, and high frequency vocal noises the benevolent polar bear bore it quietly. 
Zoo officials tried desperately to help the woman by throwing life savers and other gummy candies at her in the hopes that it might increase her buoyancy.  Despite their noble attempts it was the bear that came to her rescue with a couple of swift movements he was able to plop her back over the fence like a really really giant beach ball. 
The bear has received the Order of Schwarzenegger for his weight-lifting feat and the woman will be doing community service indefinitely.

-Aric Stoph
Associated Preposterous

                                                           aricsig

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