The Stewart Adams Project

 

November 11, 2009

Dharma

Posted at 10:51 am

Greetings and salutations my dear readership.  I would like to take this moment of your day to apologize for having not written for the past 3 weeks.  I wish I had some great excuse like the fact that I contracted the H1N1 “Swine Flu” virus and spent the weeks sitting idly in quarantine at a state of the art government facility…however, that would only be the partial truth.  That part about me sitting idly was a lie.  I spent the days mostly being strapped to a table and experimented on by so called “scientists” who wore bright yellow radiation suits and spoke to each other in some kind of code language that Dharma Sentailed guttural beeping and chirping noises.  Performing invasive surgeries every morning at 10:42, my captors seemed to be looking for something amongst my organs.  Initially I thought that they may be individually cleansing my internal body parts in an effort to rid them of the H1N1 infection.  My theory was soon consumed by the fires of common sense reminding me that picking up a living person’s pancreas and scanning it with a green light and then putting it back into the body doesn’t necessarily cure infections.   That is unless the government scientists had developed a brand new swine flu killing green light scanner device that contains technology that has not yet been released to the public.  A third option could be that I was heavily drugged and only thought I saw evil doctors scanning my organs with a green light in a state of the art government facility.  Of course, I’m only assuming that all this happened to me over the past three weeks and that the scientists also had the technology to erase my memories and replace them with memories if me getting laid off, having to find a new job, getting a new cell phone, getting a new car and filming a video of me getting crushed by falling rocks in a wooded glen. Silly government scientists, they could have picked a more convincing story.

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Filed under Blog Entries | 3 Comments »

3 Responses to “Dharma”

  1. Blake Says:
    November 11th, 2009 at 11:12 am

    However, one must give them credit for creativity.

  2. Bethany Says:
    November 11th, 2009 at 11:15 am

    Green healing light technology? Sounds legit to me. (Also known as GHLT).

  3. Murph the DDR dancing Smurf Says:
    December 9th, 2009 at 4:22 pm

    They must have gotten me too because I seem to recall all of those “memories!”

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