The Stewart Adams Project

 

July 15, 2009

Die it.

Posted at 8:26 am

Let’s face it…food is good.  Though there are a few particular food products that do not appeal to me personally, on the whole, food is generally a pleasure to partake of.  I’ve never met a human who didn’t enjoy some type of food at some point in their lifetime (< not a plug for the cable channel).  Because we as people have determined that we like food, it has created an enormous market with an unending supply of demand (see what I did there?).  The more people eat, the more our supply is used up and therefore our demand for food increases as a direct result of food becoming more scarce because we ate it.

Food is like entertainment, it isn’t necessary to sustain life but does bring enjoyment and happiness to a person.  Sure, it’s be easier and cheaper to just have everyone eating their meals thru an I.V. – you could control obesity and make sure that everyone got the nutrients that their body needs.  Productivity would increase since everyone would have at least an extra 3 hours a day (more for housewives) that they aren’t spending to sit down and eat food.  Animal rights organizations such as PETA would have to do extreme downsizing if not shut down completely.  Hunting would become a civil duty to keep animal populations down and everyone’s teeth would be much healthier. Homeless people would never go hungry since the government will be able to supply everyone with I.V.’s using all the money they save from not paying for food.  As a result of not eating food, people’s other senses would become more acute and powerful to compensate for losing the sense of taste.  We’d be able to see better, smell better, touch feel better, and hear better. Kitchens would become unneeded as would expensive appliances and cooking equipment – every house in America would suddenly have an extra room.

Actually, this is starting to sound pretty good…

Eliminate food and you eliminate poverty, sickness, and the need for taste buds.  This new I.V. diet will be called “The Stewart Adams Cool People Eating Habit of Awesomeness and Strength” or the IV Diet for short.  The only downside is that billions of jobs would be lost and if you woke up in the middle of the night craving a ham and cheese sandwich, tough luck.  I can live with that…

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Filed under Blog Entries | 8 Comments »

8 Responses to “Die it.”

  1. Bethany Says:
    July 15th, 2009 at 8:43 am

    But then where would the woman’s place be?

  2. Bastion of Common Sense Says:
    July 15th, 2009 at 10:18 am

    Nurses, it’d make giving the whole world Intravenous Fluids easier.

  3. Bethany Says:
    July 16th, 2009 at 8:37 am

    Oh, thanks Bastion. But all those poor college students who would be out of work because all the restaurants as we know them would be out of business…
    *tear*

  4. Stewart Says:
    July 16th, 2009 at 8:42 am

    Would we have to start tipping nurses?

  5. Benjamin K. Adams Says:
    July 16th, 2009 at 11:13 pm

    No, We would not have to tip nurses, as the ‘new’ way to eat was perfected, we would either get metal holes (like in the matrix) where a food tube could be directly connected to us, or the average joe would learn how to do an IV. so the nursing industry would also fold.
    And we would also create a drink, like a slushy, we could drink and get the flavor we want without any side effects. (like the drinks in wall-e) for when you get the midnight munchies.
    However the jobs that were lost by the new way to eat, would be converted to creating these amazing upgrades mentioned above. Those making the food tubes, the blending machines, the slushy machines all would be dancing in money quite quickly.

  6. Bethany Says:
    July 19th, 2009 at 9:37 pm

    Yeah. Dancing in money.

  7. Zachary Adams Says:
    July 20th, 2009 at 12:37 pm

    but there would always be the evil revolutionarys that enjoy the kind of steak that takes 2 hours to chew 1 piece (like me) and the slushies would never be able to compensate for the crunch of toast or the stinging of spices, another thought, what would happen with the cow population?? it would nearly triple because Napaloean dynamites neighbor is no longer allowed to shoot them for food in front of a schoolbus filled with 8 year olds, and if hunting was considered a civil duty where would you put the bodys when you ran out of wallspace and carpet space, the average house would become dark and sinister as millions of dead eyes stare at you when you play Halo, (I can’t play Halo very well when i am being stared at)

  8. Zachary Adams Says:
    July 20th, 2009 at 12:38 pm

    in all it would never work

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