The Stewart Adams Project

 

January 21, 2009

A Walk Through The Woods

Posted at 10:48 am

As I walked through a wooded glen, my eyesight becomes clouded for but a fraction of a second as if my optical organs are readjusting to the flickering light. The light is soft and calm as it shines through the holes in the botanical canopy that now rests above me. Tiny dust particles dance in the light with all their might as if they knew that in a moment no one would be able to see them anymore once they were moved away from the spotlight. I sit to take in the beauty of this place, my hands feel the spongy moss compress under their weight as I lower myself to the ground. My nostrils breathe in the heavy air of morning that carries with it the aroma of fresh dew. Somewhere in the distance a crow can be heard making its characteristic ‘caw’ that is painfully annoying at close range, but at this distance the sound is transformed into mellow tones that sooth and massage the eardrum. I let my eyelids lazily slide shut as the cares and worries of the world flow out of me in pristine legato. All at once the peace is shattered by an earsplitting crack louder than any thunder clap I’ve ever heard! My eyes snap open to see not only the source of the enormous sounds but also the cause of my eminent doom. For a brief moment time seems to slow…I can feel the dampness of the ground under me as I look to the left of my current position. There, just ten feet away lies safety…a patch of earth no different than the one I currently occupy save in one respect, the oncoming danger will not strike on that spot. I stare longingly at this area on the forest floor but with a sunken heart for I know that I cannot relocate myself in time to avoid the impending destruction of my mortal body. In my last remaining nanoseconds, I let out a scream that is silenced by the massive oak tree coming to its resting place atop my crushed anatomy. No amount of legislation could save me, no hard hats or OSHA safety standards could have prevented this tragedy. No seatbelts, bullet proof vests, trigger guards or handrails could have come to my aide. Death is a part of life, and sometimes trees just fall on people…and crush them into the ground.

Stewart

Filed under Blog Entries | 8 Comments »

8 Responses to “A Walk Through The Woods”

  1. Blake Adams Says:
    January 21st, 2009 at 1:46 pm

    We all appreciate your sacrifice to cushion the trees’ fall. I’m sure every little hippie out there truly admires you.

    By the way, I chopped it down.

  2. Blake Adams Says:
    January 21st, 2009 at 1:47 pm

    We all appreciate your sacrifice to cushion the trees’ fall.

  3. Max Says:
    January 21st, 2009 at 2:01 pm

    If the only person who could have heard the noise of the tree falling in the woods died by it, did it actually make a noise?

    I challenge the validity of the description of the “crack!”, post-mortem authors aside.

  4. frank Says:
    January 21st, 2009 at 3:17 pm

    if we had only paved that forest then another innocent life could have been spared. DEATH to the trees! Kill them all before they kill us.

  5. Stewart Says:
    January 21st, 2009 at 4:36 pm

    @ Max: Obviously the tree made a sound since we have a documented account by the victim. Even if we didn’t, the fact that there was someone around to hear it means that a cracking noise would line up with years of historical research that has proven over and over again…when there is someone around to hear it, a falling tree in the forest does make a sound. The anomaly comes only when there is no one present to hear it…because that case has never been tested.

    @ frank: They are coming for us.

  6. Max Says:
    January 21st, 2009 at 7:38 pm

    Then perhaps it is time to bust out the post-mortem authorship dilemma….

  7. Murphy Says:
    January 22nd, 2009 at 12:42 pm

    The moral of this story seems to be “Kay Sera Sera” don’t worry about death; it’ll come when it will. But are you arguing that we should not use seatbelts, bullet proof vests, trigger guards or handrails? How do you distinguish faith from foolishness? Where do you draw the line?

  8. Stewart Says:
    January 27th, 2009 at 8:20 am

    I think you’re reading into this a little too much but I will attempt to answer your questions with fervor and intelligence. Our victim in this case is merely making the observation that none of those things could have saved him…that’s not to say they can’t save other people in different situations. In the case of ‘whatever will be will be’…again, our victim is merely stating that he was powerless to prevent it and therefore was at peace about it, in a way. He did not understand the ramifications of his words nor the reason why such a thing might happen to him…thus, he rationalized it by assuming it’s just one of those things that happens and isn’t worth getting into a tizzy about, especially since he had only a few moments remaining on this earth.

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