The Stewart Adams Project

 

October 22, 2008

Flattery

Posted at 7:51 am

They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Yet, when we eat imitation foods our stomachs become anything but flat. Whether it be imitation bacon bits, margarine, powdered potatoes, imitation vanilla extract, anything soy, imitation egg substitute, Pibb, dehydrated milk, Campbell’s chicken noodle soup or coffee creamer with no cream in it…each of these products has the common variable of only existing to serve as a cheap imitation of the real thing. With all the artificial ingredients and processing processes, these products are high in calories and cholesterol and will by no means grant your body with any form of flattery.

Research shows and history proves that 100% people whose diet consists solely of any one of the previously mentioned imitations will eventually die. If that’s not bad enough, other research indicates that at least 99.99% of all people who even sample one of these fake foods on a single occasion will also die. In addition to the side affect of eventual death, imitations will generate unseemly and unhealthy quantities of humanity by the addition of cankles to the end user.

The results are obvious and the research is indisputable, imitation is not flattering. So the next time you hear someone say otherwise, remember that you’re smarter than they are and you know what imitation really does to people.

Stewart

Filed under Blog Entries |

2 Responses to “Flattery”

  1. Blake Says:
    October 22nd, 2008 at 2:11 pm

    Tasty blog. When I grow up, I want to be just like you St…

    Wait

  2. Bethany Says:
    October 26th, 2008 at 11:48 am

    Imitation coffee creamer with no cream is pretty much my antithesis. No matter how much I try to get away from it, it’s always there…forcing me into consumption….darn coffee for not tasting good black.

Leave a Reply