The Stewart Adams Project

 

October 15, 2008

Finding A Wife

Posted at 10:28 am

Life throws many obstacles at us that in turn create challenges that are often times very hard to endure let alone excel at. Not the least of these is our personal quest to find true love. This quest is at least referenced in practically every movie ever made and in many circles, the conclusion of the quest is considered synonymous with adulthood. The fact of the matter is that finding true love is not the end of the story, rather it is the beginning. Once you’ve fallen into deep romantical love with someone, you then have to convince them that they should fall in love with you. This is easier said then done sometimes because who wants a relationship based on the fact that you were able to use charm and cunning to hide the person you really are inside? Being a guy myself, I will be sharing my own perspective since that is what I’ve been trained in. The truth is that you don’t deserve her, to you she’s beautiful, thoughtful, smart, etc. etc. and you’re just a dude. The match is stacked against you from the get go and you know it…probably more than she does. Since you took the initiative to fall in love first, the burden is on you to be sure you fell in love with the right woman.

Side note: When searching for a woman whom you wish to spend your life with in holy togetherness keep in mind these very important traits that you will want to take note of regarding your potential suitee:

01. Will her new initials spell a word? You know, like Allison N. Thelen, or Bethany R. Adams…only the best of wives bear this trademark so you’ll know she’s a keeper.
02. Is she just moderately hot? Moderately hot women tend to be less likely to leave you…I didn’t know this when I made my choice.
03. Is she symmetrical? One elf ear and one regular ear on the same head could mean trouble…
04. Does she use firearms with more accuracy and speed than you do? This could turn out bad for you in the end…
05. Does she think it looks good to paint wall outlets the same color as the wall it is mounted to? If so, run my friend…run.
06. Is she intelligent? But not too intelligent, because then she won’t give you the time of day.
07. Is she funny? If so then she is indeed a rare find.

Back from side note: The crux of the issue is that you’re gonna find a great woman eventually, hard part is that if she’s as great as you think she is, she’s probably already taken. Just remember, you have a bow-staff and he’s not as 6′ 7″ 240 lbs. as he looks.

Stewart

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4 Responses to “Finding A Wife”

  1. Roy Says:
    October 15th, 2008 at 10:53 am

    I can’t believe you would leave out the ability to cook. And there is always the question of what her first reaction would be in the case of the development of AI.

  2. Blake Says:
    October 15th, 2008 at 1:32 pm

    What if she has a black belt in karate?

  3. Bethany Says:
    October 15th, 2008 at 8:42 pm

    02. - It also doesn’t hurt for her to have a minor physical deformity, but not too noticeable…like walking similar to a duck.

    05. You must not have realized this either, at the time of your decision.

    And just for the record, my first reaction in the development of AI would be to trick it into shutting off, then taking it’s power source and or memory chip until a man came along to fix it.

    …Or beat it with a baseball bat. Depends on my mood.

  4. Joey Says:
    October 20th, 2008 at 6:15 pm

    Stewart, why did you have to wait so long to share these secrets? Now I finally know what to look for.

    And I have no idea what your last sentence meant.

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