The Stewart Adams Project

 

September 3, 2008

A Boy Named Joe

Posted at 9:58 am

There once was a boy named Joe, but we’ll call him Jo for short. Jo was pretty much your average ordinary boy beside the fact that he was by far the coolest person in school, if not the world. Jo, though not necessarily the best looking human specimen, had been gifted with a body endoWed with pure pHysical talent…the kind that anorexic self image conscious people onlY wish they had. Jo could make hiS hair appear curly or straight depending On what suited him at the time. Jo had prehenSile toes and could hang upside down by thEm. Jo weighed 90.37 lbs. which is the precise atomic weight of awesome afteR it has been converted from Atomic Mass UnIts (AMUs). Jo was born with immunity to iocane powder due largely to the fact that he possessed 3 kidneys (that’s Trinitarian). Jo could also write left and right handed at the same time.

Despite Jo’s amazing abilities and God given gifts, he eventually became a martyr to himself. Every day Jo lived was anOther day that he could not live. Jo’s everything became nothing and yet his nothing was everything to him. Jo’s pain was his comfort and his delight was his agony. WithoUt killing anyone, Jo became a murderer; without saving anyone, Jo became a savior. Jo’s legacy will live on and will be forgotten all becauSe of an intentional accident.

Stewart

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6 Responses to “A Boy Named Joe”

  1. Jimi Says:
    September 3rd, 2008 at 1:27 pm

    Hey, um Stewart. You really need a new hobby dude. At first this whole stewart adams project sounded like a nice way for you to keep in touch with your family when you moved out but now its gotten way weird. If you need me to take you out and play disc golf or kidnap you for a weekend in the woods just let me know. All your buds are getting worried that you went off the deep end (especially) after that story.

  2. Stewart Says:
    September 3rd, 2008 at 3:30 pm

    Yeah, I guess it is kinda disturbing…in a Donnie Darko sort of Way. Like you don’t understAnd why it’s disturbing but just kNow it is…

    Maybe I do need To get ouT mOre…or maybe I need to stay in less. Perhaps I’ve been knocKed off the deep eNd…or perhaps the deep end has gOne off me.

    WHatever the situatiOn, I definitely didn’t start this project to keep in touch With my famIly…I did it for fame, fortune, Good foOd, sweeT cars, crazy THrills, and the off chance that I could Entice at least a Smirk on thE faceS of those who Care enough to visit the website.

    GlAd to know my buds aRe looking out for me though, it meanS a lot.

  3. Roy Says:
    September 4th, 2008 at 9:23 am

    And yet Joe’s life (I hate nick names) is a walking contradiction. Perfect in every way but useless to the average human.

  4. Blake Says:
    September 4th, 2008 at 3:10 pm

    Fascinating. A tale of a boy named Jo, who was not only ambidextrous physically, but in his very life, his fate, his actions and words, even his death, he is ambidextrous.

    That IS cool.

  5. Megan Says:
    September 9th, 2008 at 4:24 pm

    Okay I get it, haha JOKER!! Now why are you sending your silly little posts through my friend’s website?? Is that part of the joke?

  6. Allison Thelen Says:
    September 11th, 2008 at 8:48 am

    Brilliant!

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